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Absolute Comedy - And How Did You Die? |
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It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven,
you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the
man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on
my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having
an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and
stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it,
he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't
die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get
the first thing Could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the
first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed
it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25
stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I
had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK,
sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can
let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
"No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe
this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard
to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by
the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this
crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on
my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the
bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying
there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I
see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It
falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very
well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
the man enter.
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says,
"Please tell me how you died."
The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a
refrigerator..." |
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